What time is it?

It’s dark outside as my eyes fly open and I realize I’m staring at my ceiling. I jump out of bed, my heart racing. I don’t know what time it is. I remember laying down, but it’s been an hour? Six?

I can’t tell.

A quick glance at the alarm clock’s direction tells me that I’m late for work. This is never a good sign, but what can I do? It’s too late to fix it. I quickly jump in the shower and wonder just how long I should stand under the water. I debate if I have time to shampoo and condition my hair, or if I should just use a 2-in-1 deal. I finally settle on the 2-in-1 as I glance at my wristwatch and notice I now have ten minutes to finish effectively and get out the door.

My stomach growls and threatens to immobilize me as I realize I haven’t eaten in over ten hours. This is normal, but I smell pizza. I wonder if I have time for even one slice and push the thought aside. I’m still in a towel and haven’t done my make up, let alone put my clothes on.

I release a sigh, realizing that there’s no way I’ll make it in time. Still, I fight the minutes as I throw a dress on, run a comb through my hair and apply a thin line of eyeliner and mascara before heading out the door. It’s my usual go-to look when I’m running late.

Fumbling for my keys, I lock the door and head towards the highway. Cars are everywhere, and it irritates me. I want nothing more than to run into the guy in front of me who has decided to drive ten miles under the speed limit. The clock on the dash tells me that I now have fifteen minutes to get to work, and I still have roughly twenty-five minutes to go. I shake my head and curse under my breath as I maneuver around the older man in the Chevy and speed through a yellow light.

I try to consider other methods of cutting time but know that I still have to change into my uniform and pass through security before I can clock in. I can feel the irritation and frustration rise as I take my exit. I’m hitting all the lights. I’m a block away when a car pulls into my lane and about runs into me. I pound on my horn, and she flips me off.

UGH!

When I finally reach work, I’m ready to go home. It’s taken more effort than necessary to get here, and I wonder how easy it will be for me to excuse myself early. I pass security, and one of the guards notifies me that I’ll be alone because we had a call off. I nod, but inside, I cringe. What a day to be by myself when we’re expected to be busy. I run up the stairs and to the locker rooms, clock in and change before heading down to collect my bank. When I reach the shop, I see that it’s a mess and I already feel a headache.

I close my eyes for a moment.
An alarm clock signals me to wake up.

I rub my eyes and confusion clouds my judgment as I examine my room. I wonder how I’ve gotten here, check the clock and realize it was only a dream within a dream. I take a deep breath, smile, and get ready for my shift.

~*~

Hello again!

It’s another round of blog challenges (granted, I was behind quite a few). We were asked to compile the information from our last five dreams and pick three elements to write about. Now, I should preface this by saying that quite a bit of my work revolves around a portion of a dream that I’ve had somewhere in my existence. I have also started a novel, Email Your Dreams, which is primarily based on past experiences that I have had (with a couple of fictitious ones thrown in there as well).

I will say, however, I kind of cheated.

A lot of the dreams I’ve had over the past few days were similar, so I took those elements and created one short story instead of choosing the suggested three from our five dreams. I selected each of them since they all sort of work together and closely related with one another. A lot of this, I feel is stress-related to when I think I oversleep and you’ll notice that it involves my real life. I thought I’d put it in a perspective that maybe we all understand once in a while. If you want to pretend it’s a new character, feel free. We can call her Lucy.

Anyway! Don’t forget to read the other challenge entries here {NSFW} and here. You can find the original posting here.

Hope you enjoyed it. (:

Until Next Time,
Shay

Journey of Chaos: Wisdom

Every once in a while, I have a random moment of wisdom.

“Wisdom, you say?”

Wisdom.

I know, pretty crazy coming from me, right? (;

So about a week and a half ago, I was talking to a friend of mine, and she was struggling with confidence in herself in regards to an interview. After taking a moment to think about what she was saying, I knew that she already had everything she needed to succeed. Even better? She was more than prepared for the situation. All she needed was a boost of motivation as well as a dose of the truth to kickstart her self-esteem.

The sentence was twelve words long and relatively simple. Little did I know that those words would prove to be impactful or that it would be something I needed to hear as well.

“What good does it do to worry about something you don’t know?”

Now clearly, the wordage could be a bit smoother, and I’m sure there is a better way to lay that sentence out. Overall? The meaning was clear. Why worry about something that you don’t know? Such a simple statement, yet it is one of the first things overlooked.

But, why limit it there?

Let’s try:
– Why worry about something you can’t change?
– Why should I allow my flow/routine to be jostled by worry?
– Is worrying healthy for my environment, and even more – myself?
– What good will come out of worrying about something?

Going back to the beginning, let’s go through this – one at a time.

  • “What good does it do to worry about something you don’t know?”
    It’s pretty self-explanatory, yet I am guilty of forgetting the importance of its meaning as well. There is no good in worrying about something I don’t know about because it is unknown. If I worry about it, it gives the “unknown” object power. That’s not going to help me move forward. Instead, it will hinder me and my productivity.
  • “Why worry about something you can’t change?”
    Clearly, there is a lot in this world that I can’t change. Worry will not improve it. The only thing it will change is the level of stress inside of me, and then I think that I’m helpless. This is not the case. I am not useless. I have the power to change things with action.
  • “Why should I allow my flow/routine to be jostled by worry?”
    Well, when I put it like that… I’m not 100% sure why I should allow worry to turn my life upside down. Do I let it anyway? Of course! I’m human. But I’m able to take that control back and “take action” as mentioned above.
  • “Is worrying healthy for my environment, and even more – myself?”
    I’m going to answer this with a No. It is not healthy for me to worry as worrying causes stress. Stress has been proven to be very unhealthy for the body in a variety of different ways. As for my environment, if I’m stressed out, then my environment is hectic. So no… Worrying is not healthy at all for me.
  • And last, but certainly not least… “What good will come out of worrying about something?”
    I honestly don’t know… (;

Does it change the situation? Probably not. Yet all too often, I find myself in a state of worry or panic. What does that get me? A swift kick in the booty and an extra pile of stress. Yay me… (;

Back to my point –
My friend was patient with me as I explained to her that she was terrific already and that the people she would meet – they were lucky to have her. We talked for quite a while, and I showed her the different ways that she was prepared.

“That’s all fine and great, Shay, but how did that situation end?”

Such a great question, I’m glad you asked. My friend aced the next day’s interview and did correctly as I initially had suspected. She had an enjoyable experience and feels confident moving forward.

“What you’re saying directly applies to me. I am right there with you. So… Now what?”

Now, we embrace ourselves and realize that we are already powerful with what we have to offer. Each of us has such great potential. We each have a unique set of tools and talents that we can provide benefits in a variety of situations.

Myself included…

So why do we sell ourselves short?

Because we allow worry to overwhelm us. Take it a step further, and you’ll find that concern stems from fear. [Take a look at my fear post, if you haven’t already.]

In my life, I allow others [and more importantly, myself] to overwhelm me when it comes to many different areas of my life. For the sake of transparency, let’s take a look, shall we?

My greatest Question: Am I a good writer? Do I have what it takes?

Answer: Absolutely! My writing is unique to my set of talents and tools. My perspective is different than others which means that my words are worth it and my stories are valuable. As for what it takes, of course, I have what it takes. I am determined and motivated, energetic and passionate. If it were left at that, these four reasons are more than enough to show that I have what it takes. I’m dedicated to something I love, and for my own well-being, I need to remember that.

Question: Am I pretty enough? What do others think of me?

Answer: I am beautiful the way I am. It doesn’t matter what others think of me. Everyone has opinions, but only I determine what is essential as far as that goes. I need to ask myself what I think beauty is and then hold myself to those standards and those alone. No one else should hold that control, power or worry over me. We’re all significant, but that doesn’t give us the right to purposely harm another individual based on our biased opinions.

Question: Will I succeed in life? Will I accomplish my goals and ‘make my dreams come true?’

Answer: I already have started the process. Even in small ways, I’m succeeding in life. I’ve already overcome a lot of fear and began to accomplish the multitude of goals that I set for myself. As for my dreams, they regularly change, but as long as I continue to pursue them with passion and fervor, that’s more than enough in my book. When it’s time to “make them come true,” I’ll have the power and ability to do so. I don’t need other people to tell me about my success. I’m already there. (;

As always, there is a multitude of questions that I could list. But I’m sure you get the idea.*

So, my dear readers,
Take a moment to really think about your life and most importantly, yourself. Where are you allowing the worry, stress, and fear power to overwhelm your life and take control? Where can you gain that control back? How can you remove those worries/stress? How do you already move away from fear? Share your experiences in the comment section.

In the meantime, here is my suggestion. I promise I’ll keep it simple.
Take those words and apply them to your own life. You are valuable. You are wanted. You are good enough. You already have what you need to succeed and move forward.

Believe in you.
You’ve got this, and I have faith that you’re capable. (:

Until next time,
Shay <3

*{Writing this -publicly- makes it easier to believe, and gives me a personal record to look back on, reminding me that yes, I am good enough.} (;