Journey of Chaos: Encouragement and Positivity

Everyone needs encouragement.
Whether we want to admit it or not.

We crave it.

I am most guilty of all.
I look to other people and their affirmations to encourage myself. Now, this isn’t always bad… But it can be! Here’s why.

1.) I think that I’m doing a horrible job until someone tells me otherwise.
2.) I won’t ask for someone to tell me I’m doing a good job or set them up, but when they don’t, it makes me sad.
3.) I watch as others compliment another person’s hard work, and notice that they ignore mine.

And the moral of the story?

I get jealous.
When I see others getting “encouraging words” or recognition of sorts (like a raise, or a thank you note), I instantly get jealous. It’s almost like, “Hey now… I do that stuff too… Why didn’t anyone notice me for doing that?” Let me just say, that’s not the frame of mind that I want to have. Let’s continue, shall we?

I get discouraged.
I watch as others get congratulated or rewarded then automatically think that I’m doing something wrong. I’m not doing anything wrong! I am doing everything humanly possible when I give my 100%, I just have to remember that.

I feel defeated/down.
My mood changes based on the encouragement levels that I receive. Ultimately, I shouldn’t let my mood change or fluctuate based on others. That’s a downward spiral waiting to combust. I want a healthier, steadier life. (:

I know that it’s not healthy.
I can’t rely on others to make me feel worth it, or good enough. There are a lot of things that can go wrong with those scenarios. Most of which leaves me in a depressed state. No one -wants- to be sad. Or, at least, I hope not…

So I start with me.

I allow myself time for just me. Time to get ready, time to eat, time to write, time to sleep, the list goes on and on. This isn’t verbal, but it helps me to realize that the time that I dedicate to myself is worth it. It’s valuable, for me and -only I- can commit that time to me.

I read encouraging things. Often times, we’re bombarded with negative news, stories, and events from others, including stress. If I give myself something to read that I know will be beneficial, then it’s going to give me something positive to think about.

I think of the things that I’m grateful for. Listing my thankful items, even if it’s only three, puts me in a better mindset and helps me stay positive throughout the day because it takes the focus off of me.

I encourage others. Again, adjusting my focus to something other than myself helps me stay positive. It’s not that others don’t see what I’m doing. Instead, it’s everyone is so busy that we don’t take time to tell others how they’re doing and how they help you.

Selfishly?
I want to hear all of the good that I do and what I do right.
We all do.
But, life isn’t like that.

All I can hope to do is try to encourage another person so that they don’t have to feel that way. We’re a team on this earth. It’s time we started acting like it. (;

So I challenge each of you, my dear readers. Make it a point to tell people positive, encouraging and truthful things. [Don’t feed blanket statements or lies.] Fill your environment with positivity and encouraging truths. You might be surprised by the change it makes in your life as well as theirs.

Remember: You are important! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If the environment you are in today is not the one you want, transform it. You are powerful and can do whatever you choose.

How do you stay encouraged? How do you stay positive? What do you say/do daily to make your environment better? Feel free to share your encouraging thoughts and activities in the comment section.

Until Next Time,
Shay <3

Journey of Chaos: Fear

I’ve hesitated to post this particular subject because fear is a scary thing. I’m talking about those thoughts deep down in the crevices of your brain that you know will come back to haunt you. For me, that’s like giving in to weakness,  if you will.

“What,” you might ask, “Do you fear, Shay?”

I fear a lot. To be human, in my opinion, we should have a healthy fear of things. {Emphasis on -healthy.-}

I fear the future me. Did I succeed in life, or was my life full of failure? Am I happy? Did I write a book? Am I alone?

Whatever the case, I fear that I won’t be successful. Whether it’s writing (and finishing) a novel, meeting new people or accomplishing something that changes lives, I fear that I will never amount to anything let alone have something to show for my hard work. There are so many standards and procedures that you should follow the path of success. I know that I strive toward each of those things and work my hardest to achieve the best that I could possibly have. But what if it’s not enough?

I’ve been told that it only matters what I think and that I should gauge my life on how I think it should be lived.

If I were to live by that standard alone, I’ve already failed. I am unsuccessful and that, my dear readers, scares me.

My reason for being unsuccessful? It’s simple. I have not completed a novel. I’m not even close to finishing. I haven’t put myself in a situation to meet a new person in a long time, and I don’t believe that I’ve done anything to change anyone’s life. By my own standards, I have failed. My fear has become real at this point, and I have achieved it with little effort. So in this case, where do I go from here?

Sure, I could try to change it. I know that the things I want and desire are possible. But sometimes, the fear of failure holds me back. Such a vicious cycle.

Then there’s the fear of success itself. As weird as it sounds, I fear genuinely succeeding. What happens if I do write that novel and it gets published? When I meet new people, then what? What if I do touch lives? My mind considers the previously listed items as plausible events, but then the question rises to the occasion. If I succeed in the small victories that I want to accomplish, what comes next? Not to mention, once you do manage success, the standards have been set. I’ll be required to submit similar or better-valued items the next time. So of course, we’re left with nothing more than”What’s next.” I still have no answer for this.

That probably sounds stupid, because, in reality, I’m sure it is. I shouldn’t be afraid to succeed, yet once more, my sanity should be questioned because I, after all, fear success. How fun, right?

images

I fear my depression. I fear the possibility of being consumed by its claws. I fear my incompetence. I fear my thoughts and feelings, emotions and mind. I scare myself because I am capable of a multitude of things. I fear the things that I have accomplished and done as well as what I may achieve moving forward.

I fear unhappiness. The thought of living life with little to no happiness frightens me. How can a person live if she is unhappy? I’m not always miserable, but there are moments where it’s overbearing. What if there is no light at the end of the tunnel?

I fear the loss of my senses. Have you ever had your ears cut off on you? Where they randomly put you in a bubble and everything is unclear? What if I lost the ability to enjoy the artistic songs that I hold so dear. Music is vital to me and my sanity. It helps lift me up and have a better day. There are times where I fear that I will lose this happiness and it scares me beyond words. I fear the loss of my sight. I’m scared that one day, I won’t be able to enjoy the gorgeous scenery around me, read a book or watch another movie.

“Do you have a health condition,” you ask. No. I don’t, and I definitely do not plan on obtaining one. But that nasty “What if” game really plays tricks on me. I enjoy my senses. If I lost them, I feel like I would miss a part of myself.

I fear judgment, of any kind. I may not be perfect, but having someone evaluate my flaws scares me. I fear that I will fail to meet someone’s expectations – like, maybe I’m not that great.

I fear things because they are unknown. If I know what’s going to happen, I know how to prepare for them. If I don’t, it’s like walking into a deep, dark cave with nothing but a dollar store glow stick. Not a very comforting thought. But I’m not alone. What are your fears? What stops you from success? What is your opinion on the matter?

When it comes down to it, the terror is all in my head. Why do I fear these things? Because I’ve convinced myself that there is something to lose. Whether that’s the case or not, will I rise to the challenge and overcome my fear? I’ve already told myself a story that I can’t. But is there a way that I can? Am I able to overcome fear?

I think in posting this here, for all to read, I’ve already conquered one. I like to think that’s a step in the right direction.

images